Jerry released a harpoon-like arrow at a large shadow cruising near
our borrowed derelict jonboat. The instant the shaft struck with a resounding”THWOCK,” a cavernous hole opened in the opaque surface of the muddy water. Spray exploded in every direction.
He eventually wrestled a huge snapping turtle to our floating derelict by hand-lining heavy braided nylon line secured to a now imbedded shaft. When hauling it over the side of the ancient boat, the reptile’s massive jaws locked on a rotting gun-whale. Jerry grabbed its tail leveraging the enraged beast over the side. When it fell at my feet with an ominous thud, Jerry prudently retreated to the bow of the boat – leaving me with full latitude to find a solution to this sudden confrontation.
As I looked down, the furious reptile drew back its head, spit out a foot long chunk of the gun-whale, and struck at my leg as quickly as a rattlesnake. Behind me, several hundred yards of open water stretched to shore with slim prospects of invoking a miracle.
We were bow-fishing for buffalo (a species of carp-like fish) and carp from a pirated leaky boat. We discovered the abandoned vessel on a North Missouri reservoir just prior to the assassination described above. That snapper measured 18 1/2 inches across the shell. Fortunately, I had placed a stout club in the jonboat in case of emergencies. It was judiciously (as in - “Frantically!”) applied to that reptile’s “snapping” head with authority that only adrenalin-inspired fear can muster.
I have seen friends, neighbors and various acquaintances avert noses at acute angles when conversation turned to a turtle’s culinary attributes. However, since that snapper dropped at my feet, they grace our home-menu whenever opportunity presents.
Turtles are hard shelled reptiles descending from the Triassic Period dating back 250 million years. There are 17 varieties in Missouri falling into three basic groups - hard shell aquatic , soft shell aquatic and hard shell land species.
The carapace, or back of the turtle, is an extension of widened ribs that grow outside the turtle’s body. They, in turn, are covered with horny plates called scutes which form the hard outer shell. Soft-shells have fewer outer bony plates while substituting a leathery tough skin in place of the hardened scutes found on the hard shell species. The plastron is the bony under-plate joining the carapace via a bridge of tough cartilage around the perimeter of the undershell
Unfortunately, many regard turtles as a lowly species having little or no value. While illegal to shoot turtles in Missouri, many still
contrive an illegal sport of shooting basking turtles off snags and logs in and around water. The practice reflects abhorrent killing for killing’s sake. Virtually never recovered (nor intended to be recovered) the slain turtles’ contribution to the environment is tragically and senselessly wasted. Such actions do not speak well for a culture espousing peace, democracy and kinder and gentler relations with the world at large. In fact, such actions ultimately embarrass us all.
Too often, a public misconception is that turtles prey excessively on fish. The common snapping turtle feeds on both plant and animal matter. Despite popular belief, the latter is also more scavenger than predator. Its ferocious appearance and aggressive attitude usually arouse “man’s” worst fears much to the turtles’ detriment. The more highly regarded soft-shell varieties do eat mostly aquatic animal material, including fish, but they pose no significant threat to fish populations.
While soft shells have seasons and limits imposed in Missouri, snapping turtles do not, excepting a close relative - the alligator snapping turtle. Placed on the endangered species list, it is unlawful to kill or capture alligator snappers in Missouri. These monsters grow to 200 pounds or more. They dine exclusively on fish and other aquatic animals lured to their fate by a peculiar tongue. Resembling a pink worm, provocatively presented it lures fish into a voracious maw.
Snappers are easily caught around fish cleaning stations over water. Single shank hooks tied to bungee cords and anchored to a dock are effective in those latter places. Trot lines set in backs of shallow coves and baited with fish heads from cut bait also draw turtles. Use 100 pound and up braided nylon line with steel leaders and single shank stainless steel (minimum) 4/0 hooks. Hook fish heads through the eyes. (Be aware, in Missouri and many other states, it is illegal to use any portion of game fish, such as bass and crappie, for bait. Be certain to check your state regulations.)
All turtles can inflict painful bites. Handling them is best accomplished carrying them by their tails. Treat snappers with utmost caution. By nature, their temperament is extremely aggressive. A snapper’s head recoils and strikes surprising distances by extending its neck. (I have also had them leap forward by pushing (leaping?) off a solid surface which extends their striking range a half foot or more.) While gripping the tail securely, hold them well away from the body. While still able to strike out, they are relatively manageable now but bear close attention. Best way to transport and contain them during transport is in a wet gunny sack.
Cleaning turtles is a somewhat messy chore. However, its excellent culinary attributes make it well worth the endeavor. Severing the cartilage holding upper and lower shells together is the key to opening them up. First, remove the head. Use a blunt instrument to dispatch them first - an astute move
with snappers.
Next, turn the turtle on its back. Using hatchet or a stout sharp knife cut through the cartilage joint completely around the joining of the shells. The seam is narrow and slightly difficult to find at first but after several practice sessions, the job should become relatively routine with a sharp knife.
The preferred meat comes from legs and neck. However, two choice tenderloins are placed either side of the spine area underneath the top shell. Though small, they are delicacies that my taste buds register as a flavor similar to pork tenderloin.
Larger shells make functionally attractive decorations around the house. We made planters out of several over the years. Hanging plants are an option. Cleaned and poly-urethaned, they serve for many years. Native Americans used to apply a handle to an intact shell, inserted rocks, sealed and bound with rawhide and eagle feathers to create their version of Mexican castanets.
When driving, avoid turtles crossing the roads. If you accidently catch one fishing and prefer not to keep it, cut the line - release it safely. The hook rusts away eventually.
Turtles are an important link in the eco-system - including saltwater environments as well. As such, respecting their presence is nothing more than protecting, 
(not to mention “respecting”) the “nest” we all share.
Turtles of various species range oceans, fresh waters, deserts, woodlands and wetlands around the world. While other dinosaurs came and went, these 250 million year saurian descendents grace our “backyards” today.
Turtle deep fried, steamed in gravy or the featured ingredient in turtle soup caresses palates of skeptic and advocate alike. All varieties are worthy of respect and protection as vital links in our global environment. Treating them respectfully for the food source and environmental link that they are rewards all of us accordingly.